There is a deep connection between sex and mental health and why it’s not just about the orgasm sex isn’t just a physical act.

It’s tangled up with our emotions, our self-worth, and even our mental well-being. Whether you’re having it regularly, not at all, or somewhere in between, sex (or the lack of it) plays a bigger role in your mental health than you might think.  

1. Sex as a Mood Booster (Thanks to  Science!)

Ever noticed how a good romp in the sheets can make stress melt away? That’s not just in your head, literally. Sex releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals:  

– Oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) promotes bonding and reduces anxiety. 

– Endorphins act like natural painkillers and stress relievers. 

– Dopamine gives you that euphoric, “I’m on top of the world” feeling.  

It’s like nature’s antidepressant, no prescription needed. But here’s the catch: it only works when the sex is good and consensual. Bad or forced sex? That can do the exact opposite.  

2. When Sex is Missing: The Frustration Factor  

Dry spells happen, life gets busy, relationships hit rough patches, or maybe you’re just not feeling it. But when sex disappears for too long, it can mess with your head:  

– Self-esteem takes a hit (“Am I unattractive?”)  

– Anxiety creeps in (“Is something wrong with me?”)  

– Resentment builds (especially in relationships where one person wants it more)  

It’s not just about “getting some.” It’s about feeling desired, connected, and alive.  

3. Bad Sex vs. Good Sex: The Mental Health Divide

Not all sex is created equal. Great sex can make you feel invincible. Bad sex (or worse, obligation sex) can leave you feeling empty, used, or even ashamed.  

– Good sex = mutual pleasure, communication, presence.  

– Bad sex = performance pressure, disconnection, regret.  

If sex leaves you feeling worse afterward, it’s worth asking why. Are you doing it for yourself, or for someone else’s approval?  

4. The Dark Side: When Sex Hurts Instead of Heals 

For some, sex isn’t a happy topic. Trauma, dysfunction, or past abuse can turn intimacy into a minefield. If sex triggers anxiety, shame, or panic, therapy (especially with a sex-positive counselor) can help rebuild a healthier relationship with it.  

5. What If You’re Just Not Into It?

And that’s completely okay. Asexuality, low libido (thanks to stress!), or just personal preference, you don’t need sex to be mentally healthy. What matters is honesty with yourself and your partner(s).  

Read Also: Sex and Relationships: Effective Ways to Deliver Criticism to Your Partner Without Causing Conflict

Sex is Mental, Not Just Physical, your brain is your biggest sex organ. If your mental health is struggling, your sex life will reflect that. And if your sex life is off, your mood will too. The key? Don’t ignore it. 

Talk about it, explore it, and above all make sure it’s serving you, not hurting you.  

So… how’s your relationship with sex these days? (No judgment here.)  

Sex and sexual intimacy is a very sensitive and crucial part of a relationship and honestly, for some relationships, what would make or break it is the quality of sexual intimacy.

Bad sex therefore can leave one or both partners feeling dissatisfied, disconnected and frustrated and if not checked on time, in some cases can lead to the end of a relationship.

Whatever it is you struggle with sexually especially with your partner doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship and so this article would point out tips that would improve your sexual intimacy so you have a happier relationship.

1. Openly and Honestly Communicate

Healthy communication strengthens bonds

Communication is important for the growth of a relationship and that doesn’t exclude communication about sexual activity. One mistake a lot of people make is keeping quiet about something you don’t like that is going on.

If you don’t feel satisfied, speak up. You want to explore more, speak up. You don’t like a thing or two your partner does, speak up.

You are not a mind reader and your partner isn’t one either, the only way they know what they should improve on is when you communicate about it.

Don’t be scared to communicate your feelings or make the mistake of thinking you can endure it. Open up to your partner so you both can find a lasting solution to the issue or concern.

2. Prioritize Foreplay and Emotional Connection

Prioritize foreplay and emotional connection

Another mistake a lot of partners especially the males make is skipping foreplay entirely and rushing to sex. A study in 2022 by LELO found that 70% of women reported not getting enough foreplay before sex.

This could lead to dissatisfaction and disappointment as foreplay is not just about physical touch but also about connection and sexual intimacy with your partner.

To improve foreplay, try non-sexual intimacy including deep conversations, eye contact and laughter, explore different types of touch, either massage or light teasing, etc. This builds anticipation before sexual intimacy.

3. Stay Confident

Stay confident

Stay confident especially during sexual intimacy is important. A lack of confidence in your body or performance would lead to feelings of self consciousness and stress that reduces the quality of sex. The more confident you feel, the better the experience for you and your partner.

To boost sexual confidence, wear something you’re comfortable and confident in, especially for ladies. Make sure to focus on what you love about yourself and not your imperfections.

Most importantly, understand that sex is not about being perfect, it’s about connecting with your partner and the both of you fulfilling your sexual desires and expectations.

4. Keep Things Adventurous and Exciting.

Keep things exciting and adventurous

You begin to have a problem when sex feels like a burdensome chore and not something to look forward to doing with your partner. This is why you should not make sex a routine, it kills passion.

Here are things to try:

1. Explore a new location different from where you and your partner are used to or switch up the regular position.

2. Explore foreplay, fantasies and whatever else you both are comfortable with. Don’t be put in a box!

You can plan a surprise, intimate date that leads to sexual intimacy. Surprises spice up things too!

5. Educate Yourself and Explore Together

Stay informed and knowledgeable about intimacy and sexual activity

A lot of people have so many misconceptions about sex, relationships and intimacy and that is why being knowledgeable about some things would naturally improve the quality of your relationship sexually and otherwise.

Learn and grow together by reading books, watching videos, attending workshops that teach about intimacy. You can also discuss boundaries and desires openly and focus more on connection.

By noting and acting on these steps, you can improve the quality of your sexual activity and intimacy with your partner. The key focus is being open about your desire and striving to connect with your partner. With understanding, time and effort, you can build a happier, more intimate relationship both in and outside the bedroom.

READ NEXT: BUILDING PASSION: TIPS FOR LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS 

Have you ever looked at a couple who have lasted together for long and wondered, What their secret is? How do some relationships stay full of passion while others die off over time? The truth is, passion in a long-term relationship doesn’t just happen, it’s built, nurtured, and protected, it is the conscious effort both individuals put into the relationship to make it work.

Many people believe that love obviously loses its spark with time. While it’s true that the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever, it doesn’t mean your relationship has to become boring or routine. Real passion isn’t just about butterflies in your stomach; it’s about connection, and the desire to keep rediscovering each other every day.

So, if you intend to keep your relationship exciting and deeply connected continually for years, here are some real, practical ways to build and maintain the  passion in it.

Keep dating in your relationship

1. Keep Dating Each Other

Remember how excited you both were when you first started dating? The anticipation, the effort you put into making each moment special? That shouldn’t stop just because you’ve been together for years.

Long-term couples who keep dating each other remain attached to themselves because they continue to prioritize shared experiences. Plan date nights, surprise each other, and step out of your routine. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, a picnic, a long drive, or even a game night at home can reignite the spark. The key is intentionality.

Communication builds bonding

2. Communication: Say More Than Just the Basics

Falling into a pattern where conversations revolve around bills, chores, and responsibilities can be very easy. But deep, meaningful conversations are what keep passion alive.

Ask each other questions like:

• What is the new thing that you have been thinking about lately?
• What bothers you when I am not around?
• Is there something I’m doing that you are not comfortable with ?
• What other big dreams do you have that haven’t been shared with me yet?
• If we could do anything spontaneous this weekend, what would it be?

Be concerned  about each other. Passion grows when there’s emotional intimacy, and that starts with real conversations, not just the “How was your day?” routine.

Physical touch

3. Keep Physical Intimacy a Priority

Passion is not always the emotional closeness, physical connection is key too. But let’s be real: life happens. Stress, work, kids, and exhaustion can make physical intimacy become difficult, when tiredness kicks in and rest is the only thing in your mind.

Being intentional about keeping the physical side of your relationship alive will help keep the passion burning. This doesn’t just mean sex, it means holding hands, hugging, random kisses, and simply touching more often. These small  physical gestures can create a deep sense of connection and strengthen attraction.

Surprise each other

4. Surprise Each Other in Small Ways

You see, the little things we ignore in relationships is what matters most. Passion isn’t always about grand gestures. Surprise your partner with their favorite food, leave a note in their bag, or send a sweet text in the middle of a busy day.

These small acts show that you’re thinking about them, even when life is hectic. Consistency in small surprises creates lasting passion because it reminds your partner that they are seen, appreciated, and loved.

Grow together and individually

5. Don’t Stop Growing, Individually and Together

One of the biggest passion-killers is stagnation. If both partners stop growing, learning, and evolving, the relationship can feel stuck.

Keep discovering new things together and separately. Take up a hobby, travel somewhere new, read different books, learn something new, or challenge each other to try something outside your comfort zones. Develop yourself personally and then grow each other mentally, physically, spiritually and otherwise. A relationship stays exciting when both partners are constantly bringing something fresh into it.

Be a safe place for your partner to air their feelings

6. Fight the Right Way

It might sound strange, but passion isn’t just about the good moments, it’s also about how you handle difficult situations. Every couple fights, but how you fight determines how connected you remain.

Avoid name-calling, shutting down, or keeping score. Instead, fight with respect. Listen attentively, express your feelings honestly, and work towards resolution instead of just trying to be “right.” Couples who argue in a healthy way tend to have stronger emotional and physical intimacy because they feel safe expressing themselves.

Laughter heals

7. Keep Laughing Together

Laughter, they say, is the best medicine, and it is one of the most underrated yet powerful ways to maintain passion in your relationship. When couples laugh together, they create shared joy, which strengthens their emotional bond.

Find reasons to be playful. Watch funny movies, reminisce about hilarious memories, or even have silly inside jokes that only you both understand, trust me you will enjoy it. A relationship that has laughter is one that feels light, enjoyable, and full of life.

Don’t be a boring partner

8. Don’t Let Comfort Replace Effort

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that once you’re in a secure relationship, you don’t need to try as hard anymore. But the truth is, effort is what keeps passion alive. The little extra time, sacrifices, finance, and everything you commit makes your relationship stronger.

Dress up for each other sometimes, make romantic gestures, and never stop putting in the energy you did at the beginning. Love doesn’t die because of time, it fades when effort stops.

Appreciate each other

9. Express Appreciation Regularly

Nothing kills passion faster than feeling unappreciated. Over time, it’s easy to take your partner for granted, assuming they already know how you feel. But everyone wants to feel valued.

Make it a habit to say “thank you” for even the smallest things. Compliment your partner, acknowledge their efforts, and remind them why you love them. Passion is fueled by feeling cherished, and appreciation is the foundation of that.

Create moments for fun

10. Create Moments of Excitement

Passion thrives on excitement, and excitement comes from doing things that break the routine. Take spontaneous road trips, try a new activity together, or do something unexpected, make sure you create time for this and don’t tell yourself you are too old for all these.

Couples who actively create moments of adventure keep their connection alive and burning. Even if you’ve been together for years, there’s always something new to try, if you make the effort.

Conclusion

Falling in love is not a choice but keeping the fire burning is a choice. Many people believe that passion just naturally fades in long-term relationships, but the truth is, it  doesn’t have to. Passion is built through effort, curiosity, and a willingness to keep showing up for each other.

If you want a relationship that stays exciting, don’t wait for passion to find you. Create it. Prioritize your connection, nurture the intimacy, and never stop treating each other like you did when you first fell in love.

Because the most passionate relationships aren’t the ones that never change, they are the ones where both partners keep choosing each other, over and over again.

also read: 10 Love Languages Women Respond to