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Sex & Relashionships

We Have Stopped Having Sex: (How this happened amongst couples)

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Sex is a vital aspect of any romantic relationship, serving as a powerful bonding agent that fosters emotional intimacy, trust, and connection. However, many couples face the challenge of a dwindling sex life, leading to feelings of detachment, resentment, and disconnection. Let’s delve into the consequences of a sexless marriage, explore the underlying reasons, and provide guidance on how to rekindle the spark and maintain open communication.

The Underlying Reasons for a Sexless Marriage

A sexless marriage can be a complex and sensitive issue, often stemming from a combination of emotional, psychological, and lifestyle factors. While every situation is unique, some common underlying reasons for a sexless marriage include:

1. Communication Breakdown: Poor communication, lack of emotional intimacy, and unaddressed conflicts can lead to a decline in sexual desire and connection. Learn to communicate your feelings to your spouse. Don’t shut them out, it makes them feel appreciated and wanted.

2. Intimacy Issues: Past traumas, body image concerns, or intimacy issues can create a barrier to physical connection and emotional vulnerability.

3. Infidelity: Betrayal of trust through infidelity can lead to a loss of desire, emotional disconnection, and a sexless marriage. No one wants to share her spouse with another. Cheating has a way of wrecking an existing love or intimacy in a union.

4. Stress and Fatigue: High levels of stress, fatigue, and exhaustion can make sex seem like a chore, rather than a enjoyable experience.

5. Medical Concerns: Certain medical conditions, such as hormonal imbalances, chronic pain, or erectile dysfunction, can impact sexual desire and performance.

6. Lifestyle Factors: Busy schedules, parenting responsibilities, and other lifestyle factors can leave little time or energy for sex. When children begin to come in a marriage the attention of the couple becomes divided. This means more work for the man and more attention towards the kids for the woman. It can be a lot and this tends to make a couple lose their sexual spark.

7. Unresolved Conflicts: Unaddressed conflicts, resentments, and unresolved issues can create tension and disconnection in the relationship.

8. Personal Issues: Personal struggles, such as depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem, can impact sexual desire and overall well-being.

9. Pornography and Addiction: Pornography addiction or other forms of addiction can lead to a decline in sexual desire for one’s partner. People who suffer from this addiction tend to love solo sex(masturbation) compared to having intimacy with ones partner. This is a huge problem that can alter sexual desires amongst couples.

10. Trauma and Abuse: Past experiences of trauma or abuse can impact sexual desire, intimacy, and emotional connection.

11. Lack of Sexual Compatibility: Incompatible sexual desires, preferences, or expectations can lead to a decline in sexual activity. Most partners live adventure. Having one pattern of sex style every time can lead to a dwindling sex life amongst couples.

Understanding the underlying reasons for a sexless marriage is crucial to addressing the issue. By identifying the root causes and working together, couples can begin to rebuild their emotional and physical connection, fostering a more fulfilling and intimate relationship.

 

Consequences of a Sexless Marriage

A sexless marriage can have far-reaching consequences, affecting both partners’ emotional and psychological well-being. Some of the potential consequences include:

1. Emotional Detachment: A lack of physical intimacy can lead to emotional disconnection, causing partners to feel unheard, unseen, and unappreciated.

2. Resentment and Anger: Unaddressed sexual issues can create resentment, anger, and frustration, potentially damaging the Union.

3. Low Self-Esteem: A sexless marriage can negatively impact self-esteem, making individuals feel undesirable, unattractive, or inadequate.

4. Infidelity: In some cases, a lack of sexual fulfillment can lead to infidelity, as one or both partners seek intimacy outside the union.

5. Depression and Anxiety: The emotional toll of a sexless marriage can contribute to depression, anxiety, and other mental health concerns.

 

Revitalizing Intimacy and Communication

Rekindling the spark in a sexless marriage requires effort, commitment, and open communication. Here are some tips to help couples revitalize their intimacy and communication:

1. Schedule Quality Time: Regularly schedule quality time together, engaging in activities that promote emotional connection and intimacy.

2. Practice Active Listening: Make an effort to truly listen to each other, addressing concerns, desires, and needs.

3. Foster Emotional Intimacy: Cultivate emotional intimacy through vulnerability, empathy, and understanding.

4. Address Underlying Issues: Identify and address underlying issues, such as medical concerns, intimacy issues, or communication breakdowns.

5. Seek Professional Help: Consider seeking the help of a couples therapist or sex therapist to guide you through the process.

6. Be adventurous: explore other sex styles to reignite the spark in your sex life.

Best Ways to Build Effective Communication as a Couple

Effective communication is the foundation of a healthy, fulfilling marriage. When both partners communicate openly, honestly, and respectfully, they can navigate life’s challenges together, strengthen their bond, and build a more resilient relationship. Here are the best ways for married couples to communicate effectively:

1. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their perspective, feelings, and needs. Show that you care about their emotions and validate their experiences.

2. Use “I” Statements: Instead of blaming or accusing your partner with “you” statements, express your thoughts and feelings using “I” statements. This helps avoid defensiveness and promotes ownership of your emotions.

3. Be Vulnerable: Create a safe space for vulnerability, sharing your desires, fears, and concerns with your partner. This fosters trust, intimacy, and deeper connection.

4. Active Listening: Engage in active listening by focusing on your partner, maintaining eye contact, and responding thoughtfully. Avoid interrupting, dismissing, or planning your response while your partner speaks.

5. Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside dedicated time for regular check-ins, discussing concerns, desires, and needs. This helps prevent resentment, misunderstandings, and feelings of neglect.

6. Choose the Right Time and Place: Consider the timing and setting for important conversations. Avoid discussing sensitive topics during conflicts, when tired, or in public.

7. Avoid Assumptions: Don’t assume you know what your partner thinks, feels, or needs. Instead, ask open-ended questions, seek clarification, and confirm understanding.

8. Show Appreciation and Gratitude: Express genuine appreciation and gratitude for your partner, acknowledging their efforts, support, and love.

9. Foster a Positive Communication Environment: Establish a positive communication environment by being approachable, respectful, and non-judgmental.

10. Seek Clarification and Confirmation: Ensure understanding by seeking clarification and confirmation on important matters, avoiding miscommunications and misunderstandings.

 

By incorporating these effective communication strategies into your daily interactions, you and your partner can build a stronger, more resilient marriage, navigate life’s challenges together, and deepen your emotional connection. Remember, effective communication is a skill that takes practice, patience, and dedication.

Also, a strong marriage requires effort, commitment, and a willingness to grow together. To have a great sex life as couples never lose your spark of attraction, active communication and love.

At xclusivstars we bring you educational and entertaining content. Binge here for more content on sex and relationship.

 

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Sex & Relashionships

Signs To Know It’s Time to Move On From Your Relationship

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Most of us stay in relationships longer than we should, not because of love, but because of fear, loneliness and what others will say. Moving on can be difficult but what’s worse is losing yourself in the process of trying to save a relationship that’s broken. Here are some clear signs that it’s time to move on:

No connection
When there’s no connection between you and your partner, conversations feel heavy, spending time with them feels like a chore or burden and the emotional attraction you once had has faded, it’s a red flag. Connections are not meant to be forced, it’s meant to flow naturally. So if you find yourself in this situation, it’s a sign.

No more intimacy

If the idea of being close emotionally or physically—repels you instead of pulling you closer like it used to be, that’s a big signal. Not that everything is about intimacy but it’s one of the important aspects that leads to a healthy bond. When that’s gone, the relationship starts to fizzle out or go south.

You’re always upset
All relationships have disagreements, but if the happy moments are lesser than the arguments, or for instance, you’re always irritated by little things your partner does and fixing the issues doesn’t change anything —it’s time to rethink things.

One sided
When you start noticing that you’re the only one putting in effort and your action isn’t being reciprocated by your partner or worse, your partner is just nonchalant and doesn’t care. That’s a sign to step back

Trust is broken
Trust is one of the important components of a successful relationship. Once there’s a seed of doubt because of betrayal, deceit, or constant disappointment, your partner has no value or respect for you or the bond you once shared. Without trust, the foundation is broken.

You Want Different Things in Life

Love isn’t the only thing that can sustain a relationship, love alone isn’t enough. You may care about each other deeply, but if one person wants kids and the other doesn’t, or one dreams of moving abroad while the other wants to stay close to family, it can get overwhelming. When your goals for the future doesn’t align, it feels like you’re walking two different paths. And if neither of you is willing to compromise, it’s time to say goodbye.

What to Do Once You Know It’s Time
So you’ve seen the signs, and your heart secretly knows the truth, even though you’ve been denying it. Here’s how to start taking steps that will help you heal:

Acknowledge Your Reality
Stop sugarcoating things. If you’ve been giving your partner the benefit of doubt or telling yourself “it’s just a phase,” it might be time to face what’s really going on. Accepting the truth is the first step.

Surround yourself with loved ones
Let go of what shouldn’t have been and focus on what matters. Be around people that genuinely cares about you like family, spend more time with actual friends and do things that make you happy.

Leave With Purpose
Walking away doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re choosing peace over anything. Step into what will help you grow, not just your comfort zone.

Prioritize Your Healing
Don’t be in a hurry to move on. It’s okay to grieve, reflect, and reset. Healing isn’t a bad thing, it gives room for progress.

Final Thoughts
Breaking up is never easy, but sometimes it’s the best thing for both of you. A union is supposed to bring joy, not just struggle. No relationship is perfect, but when you start to feel drained physically, emotionally and mentally, that’s a huge red flag. It’s okay to step back and rethink things.

Have you ever had to leave a relationship that wasn’t right? What helped you finally make the move? Share your story below.

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Lifestyle

Unlearning the Relationship Myths We Grew Up With

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From childhood to adulthood, we’ve been taught so many ideas about love and relationships—through our parents, religious teachings, cultural norms, and Nollywood. Some of these beliefs are helpful, but many are myths that lead to confusion, pain, and unrealistic expectations. In Nigeria, where love and family are held in high regard, it’s time we start unlearning the relationship myths we grew up with—and replace them with healthier truths.

“True Love Conquers All”

We grew up hearing that as long as you truly love someone, everything would somehow work out. But in reality, love by itself isn’t always enough. You can love someone deeply and still struggle with communication, clashing values, financial stress, or personal growth. Thinking love fixes everything can make you overlook real issues that need to be addressed. Yes, love is the foundation—but it needs honesty, respect, and effort to thrive.

“Marriage Is the Ultimate Goal”

In Nigerian society, Marriage is often seen as a final achievement or prize. Once a woman reaches a certain age, family members start asking, “When are you getting married?” But the truth is, marriage is not the end goal of life. It’s a journey shared with another person, not a final stop. Rushing into marriage to meet expectations or or avoid pressure can lead to unhappy unions. It’s okay to focus on personal growth, build your career, or take time to heal before choosing a life partner.

“You Must Marry Within Your Tribe or Religion”

This myth still persists in many homes. Some families believe love should only happen within your tribe or faith. But love often defies those boundaries. People from different backgrounds can have strong, happy relationships if they share the same values and are willing to respect each other’s differences. While family input is important, your happiness and peace should come first. Love should be about connection, not just culture.

“One Person Must Always Lead”

 

Traditionally, we’re taught that the man leads while the woman follows. But in today’s world, a relationship should feel like teamwork. Decisions should be made together, with both partners feeling heard. Whether it’s finances, parenting, or life plans, both voices matter. Respect and understanding make relationships stronger—not control.

“Jealousy Means You Care”

Many people mistake jealousy for love. Some believe if their partner isn’t jealous, then they must not care. But jealousy often comes from fear and insecurity, not love. Monitoring phones, interrogating, or arguing over harmless friendships can damage trust. Real love is built on trust, not control. If something is bothering you, have an open conversation instead of jumping to conclusions.

“Stay No Matter What” vs. “Leave at the First Fight”

We’ve often been stuck between two extremes. Some believe you should stay no matter what—even when it’s toxic. Others think that any problem means it’s time to leave. But the truth lies somewhere in between. Not every argument means the relationship should end, and not every relationship should be saved. The key is learning to tell the difference. If the issues are fixable, work through them together. If the relationship becomes harmful, it’s okay to walk away.

How to Unlearn These Myths

Unlearning doesn’t happen overnight. It starts by asking yourself where your beliefs came from and whether they’re still serving you in a healthy way. Talk with people you trust about what you’re discovering. Watch couples who have balanced and honest relationships—not perfect couples, but real, emotionally honest ones. Set clear boundaries for what you want in love, and communicate them with your partner. Listen more. Talk openly. When you both navigate conflict or tough conversations with more care, celebrate those moments.

Love is beautiful—but to truly enjoy it, we must unlearn the myths we’ve been told.

The truth is, every relationship is different. What works for others might not suit you—and that’s perfectly fine.

By letting go of beliefs like “love conquers all” or “marry before you run out of time,” you give yourself a better chance at finding real, lasting happiness. Choose what works for you.

Build a love that fits your heart—not just society’s script.

 

 

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Sex & Relashionships

Little Things That Make Relationships Work

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