Sex & Relashionships
We Have Stopped Having Sex: (How this happened amongst couples)

Sex is a vital aspect of any romantic relationship, serving as a powerful bonding agent that fosters emotional intimacy, trust, and connection. However, many couples face the challenge of a dwindling sex life, leading to feelings of detachment, resentment, and disconnection. Let’s delve into the consequences of a sexless marriage, explore the underlying reasons, and provide guidance on how to rekindle the spark and maintain open communication.
The Underlying Reasons for a Sexless Marriage
A sexless marriage can be a complex and sensitive issue, often stemming from a combination of emotional, psychological, and lifestyle factors. While every situation is unique, some common underlying reasons for a sexless marriage include:
1. Communication Breakdown: Poor communication, lack of emotional intimacy, and unaddressed conflicts can lead to a decline in sexual desire and connection. Learn to communicate your feelings to your spouse. Don’t shut them out, it makes them feel appreciated and wanted.
2. Intimacy Issues: Past traumas, body image concerns, or intimacy issues can create a barrier to physical connection and emotional vulnerability.
3. Infidelity: Betrayal of trust through infidelity can lead to a loss of desire, emotional disconnection, and a sexless marriage. No one wants to share her spouse with another. Cheating has a way of wrecking an existing love or intimacy in a union.
4. Stress and Fatigue: High levels of stress, fatigue, and exhaustion can make sex seem like a chore, rather than a enjoyable experience.
5. Medical Concerns: Certain medical conditions, such as hormonal imbalances, chronic pain, or erectile dysfunction, can impact sexual desire and performance.
6. Lifestyle Factors: Busy schedules, parenting responsibilities, and other lifestyle factors can leave little time or energy for sex. When children begin to come in a marriage the attention of the couple becomes divided. This means more work for the man and more attention towards the kids for the woman. It can be a lot and this tends to make a couple lose their sexual spark.
7. Unresolved Conflicts: Unaddressed conflicts, resentments, and unresolved issues can create tension and disconnection in the relationship.
8. Personal Issues: Personal struggles, such as depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem, can impact sexual desire and overall well-being.
9. Pornography and Addiction: Pornography addiction or other forms of addiction can lead to a decline in sexual desire for one’s partner. People who suffer from this addiction tend to love solo sex(masturbation) compared to having intimacy with ones partner. This is a huge problem that can alter sexual desires amongst couples.
10. Trauma and Abuse: Past experiences of trauma or abuse can impact sexual desire, intimacy, and emotional connection.
11. Lack of Sexual Compatibility: Incompatible sexual desires, preferences, or expectations can lead to a decline in sexual activity. Most partners live adventure. Having one pattern of sex style every time can lead to a dwindling sex life amongst couples.
Understanding the underlying reasons for a sexless marriage is crucial to addressing the issue. By identifying the root causes and working together, couples can begin to rebuild their emotional and physical connection, fostering a more fulfilling and intimate relationship.
Consequences of a Sexless Marriage
A sexless marriage can have far-reaching consequences, affecting both partners’ emotional and psychological well-being. Some of the potential consequences include:
1. Emotional Detachment: A lack of physical intimacy can lead to emotional disconnection, causing partners to feel unheard, unseen, and unappreciated.
2. Resentment and Anger: Unaddressed sexual issues can create resentment, anger, and frustration, potentially damaging the Union.
3. Low Self-Esteem: A sexless marriage can negatively impact self-esteem, making individuals feel undesirable, unattractive, or inadequate.
4. Infidelity: In some cases, a lack of sexual fulfillment can lead to infidelity, as one or both partners seek intimacy outside the union.
5. Depression and Anxiety: The emotional toll of a sexless marriage can contribute to depression, anxiety, and other mental health concerns.
Revitalizing Intimacy and Communication
Rekindling the spark in a sexless marriage requires effort, commitment, and open communication. Here are some tips to help couples revitalize their intimacy and communication:
1. Schedule Quality Time: Regularly schedule quality time together, engaging in activities that promote emotional connection and intimacy.
2. Practice Active Listening: Make an effort to truly listen to each other, addressing concerns, desires, and needs.
3. Foster Emotional Intimacy: Cultivate emotional intimacy through vulnerability, empathy, and understanding.
4. Address Underlying Issues: Identify and address underlying issues, such as medical concerns, intimacy issues, or communication breakdowns.
5. Seek Professional Help: Consider seeking the help of a couples therapist or sex therapist to guide you through the process.
6. Be adventurous: explore other sex styles to reignite the spark in your sex life.
Best Ways to Build Effective Communication as a Couple
Effective communication is the foundation of a healthy, fulfilling marriage. When both partners communicate openly, honestly, and respectfully, they can navigate life’s challenges together, strengthen their bond, and build a more resilient relationship. Here are the best ways for married couples to communicate effectively:
1. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their perspective, feelings, and needs. Show that you care about their emotions and validate their experiences.
2. Use “I” Statements: Instead of blaming or accusing your partner with “you” statements, express your thoughts and feelings using “I” statements. This helps avoid defensiveness and promotes ownership of your emotions.
3. Be Vulnerable: Create a safe space for vulnerability, sharing your desires, fears, and concerns with your partner. This fosters trust, intimacy, and deeper connection.
4. Active Listening: Engage in active listening by focusing on your partner, maintaining eye contact, and responding thoughtfully. Avoid interrupting, dismissing, or planning your response while your partner speaks.
5. Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside dedicated time for regular check-ins, discussing concerns, desires, and needs. This helps prevent resentment, misunderstandings, and feelings of neglect.
6. Choose the Right Time and Place: Consider the timing and setting for important conversations. Avoid discussing sensitive topics during conflicts, when tired, or in public.
7. Avoid Assumptions: Don’t assume you know what your partner thinks, feels, or needs. Instead, ask open-ended questions, seek clarification, and confirm understanding.
8. Show Appreciation and Gratitude: Express genuine appreciation and gratitude for your partner, acknowledging their efforts, support, and love.
9. Foster a Positive Communication Environment: Establish a positive communication environment by being approachable, respectful, and non-judgmental.
10. Seek Clarification and Confirmation: Ensure understanding by seeking clarification and confirmation on important matters, avoiding miscommunications and misunderstandings.
By incorporating these effective communication strategies into your daily interactions, you and your partner can build a stronger, more resilient marriage, navigate life’s challenges together, and deepen your emotional connection. Remember, effective communication is a skill that takes practice, patience, and dedication.
Also, a strong marriage requires effort, commitment, and a willingness to grow together. To have a great sex life as couples never lose your spark of attraction, active communication and love.
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Lifestyle
Unlearning the Relationship Myths We Grew Up With

From childhood to adulthood, we’ve been taught so many ideas about love and relationships—through our parents, religious teachings, cultural norms, and Nollywood. Some of these beliefs are helpful, but many are myths that lead to confusion, pain, and unrealistic expectations. In Nigeria, where love and family are held in high regard, it’s time we start unlearning the relationship myths we grew up with—and replace them with healthier truths.
“True Love Conquers All”
We grew up hearing that as long as you truly love someone, everything would somehow work out. But in reality, love by itself isn’t always enough. You can love someone deeply and still struggle with communication, clashing values, financial stress, or personal growth. Thinking love fixes everything can make you overlook real issues that need to be addressed. Yes, love is the foundation—but it needs honesty, respect, and effort to thrive.
“Marriage Is the Ultimate Goal”
In Nigerian society, Marriage is often seen as a final achievement or prize. Once a woman reaches a certain age, family members start asking, “When are you getting married?” But the truth is, marriage is not the end goal of life. It’s a journey shared with another person, not a final stop. Rushing into marriage to meet expectations or or avoid pressure can lead to unhappy unions. It’s okay to focus on personal growth, build your career, or take time to heal before choosing a life partner.
“You Must Marry Within Your Tribe or Religion”
This myth still persists in many homes. Some families believe love should only happen within your tribe or faith. But love often defies those boundaries. People from different backgrounds can have strong, happy relationships if they share the same values and are willing to respect each other’s differences. While family input is important, your happiness and peace should come first. Love should be about connection, not just culture.
“One Person Must Always Lead”
Traditionally, we’re taught that the man leads while the woman follows. But in today’s world, a relationship should feel like teamwork. Decisions should be made together, with both partners feeling heard. Whether it’s finances, parenting, or life plans, both voices matter. Respect and understanding make relationships stronger—not control.
“Jealousy Means You Care”
Many people mistake jealousy for love. Some believe if their partner isn’t jealous, then they must not care. But jealousy often comes from fear and insecurity, not love. Monitoring phones, interrogating, or arguing over harmless friendships can damage trust. Real love is built on trust, not control. If something is bothering you, have an open conversation instead of jumping to conclusions.
“Stay No Matter What” vs. “Leave at the First Fight”
We’ve often been stuck between two extremes. Some believe you should stay no matter what—even when it’s toxic. Others think that any problem means it’s time to leave. But the truth lies somewhere in between. Not every argument means the relationship should end, and not every relationship should be saved. The key is learning to tell the difference. If the issues are fixable, work through them together. If the relationship becomes harmful, it’s okay to walk away.
How to Unlearn These Myths
Unlearning doesn’t happen overnight. It starts by asking yourself where your beliefs came from and whether they’re still serving you in a healthy way. Talk with people you trust about what you’re discovering. Watch couples who have balanced and honest relationships—not perfect couples, but real, emotionally honest ones. Set clear boundaries for what you want in love, and communicate them with your partner. Listen more. Talk openly. When you both navigate conflict or tough conversations with more care, celebrate those moments.
Love is beautiful—but to truly enjoy it, we must unlearn the myths we’ve been told.
The truth is, every relationship is different. What works for others might not suit you—and that’s perfectly fine.
By letting go of beliefs like “love conquers all” or “marry before you run out of time,” you give yourself a better chance at finding real, lasting happiness. Choose what works for you.
Build a love that fits your heart—not just society’s script.
Sex & Relashionships
Little Things That Make Relationships Work
Sex & Relashionships
Does Age Matter in Love?

“Age is just a number” is a common saying that has divided many opinions. There are divergent views when it concerns the importance of age between couples. Some men are older but immature, and there are young ladies who behave maturely. While some believe that a wide age gap is a red flag in a relationship, some don’t see age as an important factor to consider in a relationship. Here are some reasons age is a factor and why it might not be important.
Why Age Shouldn’t Be Ignored in Relationships
Here are some situations when ages matter in a relationship:
Life Pattern and Aspirations
A significant age gap can influence partners’ life outlook and priorities. When a woman in her 20s dates a man in his 40s or 50s, their priorities often differ significantly. She may be focused on completing her education, building a career, and establishing her independence. Meanwhile, a more mature partner may be focused on advancing his career, securing financial stability, and planning for the future. These diverse plans and goals can cause a strain in the relationship.
Legal Considerations
In some countries or regions, there are legal restrictions on the age at which people can date or marry. These laws are designed to protect minors and vulnerable individuals from exploitation. If you reside in such states or countries, you will have to comply with these laws.
Social Views and Stigma
Despite growing acceptance of age-gap relationships, particularly in Western societies, they still face disapproval and stigma from certain families and social circles.. People in such relationships are often ridiculed by friends and family and given hurtful labels. This kind of stigma could be frustrating and may put a strain on the relationship.
Old Age Concerns
The younger partner may face more caregiving duties, especially when the age gap is wide. For example, if a 22-year-old is in a relationship with a 60-year-old man, she may have to care for him as he grows older and faces health challenges
Read Also : Sexy and Secure: A Guide to Confidence in Your Body and Relationship
Why Age Shouldn’t Define Your Relationship
When it comes to love, age really is just a number. Here are some compelling reasons why you shouldn’t let age dictate who you choose to love:
Mutual Learning and Growth
Relationships with an age gap offer unique opportunities for growth. The younger partner gains valuable life wisdom and insight into what the future might hold, while the older partner gets a fresh perspective on youth culture and how younger minds think and feel. This exchange fosters deeper understanding and connection on both sides.
Financial Stability and Support
Dating someone older, especially in their 40s or 50s who has achieved financial stability, can provide a sense of security and support. This can be particularly helpful when you’re still building your career and finding your footing. The experience and resources of an older partner can offer you a safety net as you work toward your own breakthrough.
Final Thoughts
Age can be a factor in a relationship, but it’s far from the most important one. What truly determines the success and length of a relationship is how both people handle their differences and work together. Honesty, trust, and shared goals matter far more in love than the number of years between partners. When these foundations are strong, age becomes just a small detail in a much bigger, beautiful picture.
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