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We Have Stopped Having Sex: (How this happened amongst couples)

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Sex is a vital aspect of any romantic relationship, serving as a powerful bonding agent that fosters emotional intimacy, trust, and connection. However, many couples face the challenge of a dwindling sex life, leading to feelings of detachment, resentment, and disconnection. Let’s delve into the consequences of a sexless marriage, explore the underlying reasons, and provide guidance on how to rekindle the spark and maintain open communication.

The Underlying Reasons for a Sexless Marriage

A sexless marriage can be a complex and sensitive issue, often stemming from a combination of emotional, psychological, and lifestyle factors. While every situation is unique, some common underlying reasons for a sexless marriage include:

1. Communication Breakdown: Poor communication, lack of emotional intimacy, and unaddressed conflicts can lead to a decline in sexual desire and connection. Learn to communicate your feelings to your spouse. Don’t shut them out, it makes them feel appreciated and wanted.

2. Intimacy Issues: Past traumas, body image concerns, or intimacy issues can create a barrier to physical connection and emotional vulnerability.

3. Infidelity: Betrayal of trust through infidelity can lead to a loss of desire, emotional disconnection, and a sexless marriage. No one wants to share her spouse with another. Cheating has a way of wrecking an existing love or intimacy in a union.

4. Stress and Fatigue: High levels of stress, fatigue, and exhaustion can make sex seem like a chore, rather than a enjoyable experience.

5. Medical Concerns: Certain medical conditions, such as hormonal imbalances, chronic pain, or erectile dysfunction, can impact sexual desire and performance.

6. Lifestyle Factors: Busy schedules, parenting responsibilities, and other lifestyle factors can leave little time or energy for sex. When children begin to come in a marriage the attention of the couple becomes divided. This means more work for the man and more attention towards the kids for the woman. It can be a lot and this tends to make a couple lose their sexual spark.

7. Unresolved Conflicts: Unaddressed conflicts, resentments, and unresolved issues can create tension and disconnection in the relationship.

8. Personal Issues: Personal struggles, such as depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem, can impact sexual desire and overall well-being.

9. Pornography and Addiction: Pornography addiction or other forms of addiction can lead to a decline in sexual desire for one’s partner. People who suffer from this addiction tend to love solo sex(masturbation) compared to having intimacy with ones partner. This is a huge problem that can alter sexual desires amongst couples.

10. Trauma and Abuse: Past experiences of trauma or abuse can impact sexual desire, intimacy, and emotional connection.

11. Lack of Sexual Compatibility: Incompatible sexual desires, preferences, or expectations can lead to a decline in sexual activity. Most partners live adventure. Having one pattern of sex style every time can lead to a dwindling sex life amongst couples.

Understanding the underlying reasons for a sexless marriage is crucial to addressing the issue. By identifying the root causes and working together, couples can begin to rebuild their emotional and physical connection, fostering a more fulfilling and intimate relationship.

 

Consequences of a Sexless Marriage

A sexless marriage can have far-reaching consequences, affecting both partners’ emotional and psychological well-being. Some of the potential consequences include:

1. Emotional Detachment: A lack of physical intimacy can lead to emotional disconnection, causing partners to feel unheard, unseen, and unappreciated.

2. Resentment and Anger: Unaddressed sexual issues can create resentment, anger, and frustration, potentially damaging the Union.

3. Low Self-Esteem: A sexless marriage can negatively impact self-esteem, making individuals feel undesirable, unattractive, or inadequate.

4. Infidelity: In some cases, a lack of sexual fulfillment can lead to infidelity, as one or both partners seek intimacy outside the union.

5. Depression and Anxiety: The emotional toll of a sexless marriage can contribute to depression, anxiety, and other mental health concerns.

 

Revitalizing Intimacy and Communication

Rekindling the spark in a sexless marriage requires effort, commitment, and open communication. Here are some tips to help couples revitalize their intimacy and communication:

1. Schedule Quality Time: Regularly schedule quality time together, engaging in activities that promote emotional connection and intimacy.

2. Practice Active Listening: Make an effort to truly listen to each other, addressing concerns, desires, and needs.

3. Foster Emotional Intimacy: Cultivate emotional intimacy through vulnerability, empathy, and understanding.

4. Address Underlying Issues: Identify and address underlying issues, such as medical concerns, intimacy issues, or communication breakdowns.

5. Seek Professional Help: Consider seeking the help of a couples therapist or sex therapist to guide you through the process.

6. Be adventurous: explore other sex styles to reignite the spark in your sex life.

Best Ways to Build Effective Communication as a Couple

Effective communication is the foundation of a healthy, fulfilling marriage. When both partners communicate openly, honestly, and respectfully, they can navigate life’s challenges together, strengthen their bond, and build a more resilient relationship. Here are the best ways for married couples to communicate effectively:

1. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their perspective, feelings, and needs. Show that you care about their emotions and validate their experiences.

2. Use “I” Statements: Instead of blaming or accusing your partner with “you” statements, express your thoughts and feelings using “I” statements. This helps avoid defensiveness and promotes ownership of your emotions.

3. Be Vulnerable: Create a safe space for vulnerability, sharing your desires, fears, and concerns with your partner. This fosters trust, intimacy, and deeper connection.

4. Active Listening: Engage in active listening by focusing on your partner, maintaining eye contact, and responding thoughtfully. Avoid interrupting, dismissing, or planning your response while your partner speaks.

5. Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside dedicated time for regular check-ins, discussing concerns, desires, and needs. This helps prevent resentment, misunderstandings, and feelings of neglect.

6. Choose the Right Time and Place: Consider the timing and setting for important conversations. Avoid discussing sensitive topics during conflicts, when tired, or in public.

7. Avoid Assumptions: Don’t assume you know what your partner thinks, feels, or needs. Instead, ask open-ended questions, seek clarification, and confirm understanding.

8. Show Appreciation and Gratitude: Express genuine appreciation and gratitude for your partner, acknowledging their efforts, support, and love.

9. Foster a Positive Communication Environment: Establish a positive communication environment by being approachable, respectful, and non-judgmental.

10. Seek Clarification and Confirmation: Ensure understanding by seeking clarification and confirmation on important matters, avoiding miscommunications and misunderstandings.

 

By incorporating these effective communication strategies into your daily interactions, you and your partner can build a stronger, more resilient marriage, navigate life’s challenges together, and deepen your emotional connection. Remember, effective communication is a skill that takes practice, patience, and dedication.

Also, a strong marriage requires effort, commitment, and a willingness to grow together. To have a great sex life as couples never lose your spark of attraction, active communication and love.

At xclusivstars we bring you educational and entertaining content. Binge here for more content on sex and relationship.

 

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Sex & Relashionships

What is Monogamism in Relationship?

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Monogamism is the belief that people should practice monogamy not just the act of being with one partner, but the ideology that it is the ideal, proper, or preferred relationship structure. It sits at the intersection of culture, religion, personal values, and social expectation.

Unlike simple monogamy (the practice), monogamism is the viewpoint that monogamy is the correct model for romantic life. It is a framework shaped by upbringing, tradition, and personal boundaries.

Why People Choose It

Several factors influence why people embrace monogamism:
Cultural grounding: Many communities in Nigeria, though diverse, teach commitment to one partner as part of adulthood and responsibility.

Religious influence: Christianity and Islam have a strong presence across the country, and both introduce ideas around exclusivity, fidelity, and partnership.

Emotional structure: Some individuals feel more secure when their romantic life is centred on one person, with clear expectations and stability.

This isn’t about superiority. It’s about understanding how people align their relationships with their values.

How Modern Dating Has Complicated the Conversation

While monogamism remains common, the dating landscape in Nigeria is changing quickly. Social media, career-driven lifestyles, delayed marriage, and exposure to global relationship conversations have created a wider range of choices. These shifts challenge unspoken rules that once went unquestioned.
People now explore:

° Situationships

° Exclusive dating without long-term certainty

° Open relationships within specific circles

° Marriage-focused courtship

° Traditional monogamy

This makes monogamism more of an intentional choice than something inherited without question.

The Pressures Around Monogamism

Being monogamous is one thing; being expected to be monogamous is another. In Nigerian society, those pressures show up through:

° Family expectations

° Religious community standard

° Gendered assumptions about loyall

° Fear of judgement

° Fear of being labelled

° Concern about respectability

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Sex & Relashionships

Why Sex Belongs in Your Wellness Routine

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When Nigerians talk about wellness, the conversation usually revolves aroun‎d eating right, hitting the gym, or meditating at sunrise. But there’s one part of health that rarely gets attention, even in casual conversations: sex. It’s more than pleasure; it’s a natural way to boost your mood, sharpen your body, and ease stress.

Sex works like a workout, raising your heart rate, engaging muscles, and improving circulation. It may not replace a full gym session, but it counts as physical activity. Regular intimacy has been linked to better sleep, stronger immunity, and even lower blood pressure, all without leaving your bedroom.

The mental benefits are just as powerful. Intimacy releases hormones like oxytocin and endorphins, the same chemicals that give you a rush after Sunday football or a lively dance session at a Lagos party. These natural boosts can help fight stress, ease anxiety, and improve your focus on work or studies.

Sex also helps you stay in tune with your body. It’s not about checking boxes or meeting expectations. Whether it’s the closeness with a partner or simply exploring your own body, intimacy can build confidence and remind you that wellness is about feeling alive, not just looking healthy.

For couples, regular intimacy strengthens bonds and keeps relationships resilient through everyday pressures. For singles, understanding your own needs can be just as empowering. Approaching sex intentionally, safely, and consensually makes it a way to care for yourself, rather than a chore.

In Nigeria, talking openly about sexual health can still be tricky. But including intimacy as part of your wellness routine is essential. Ignoring it doesn’t make it less important; it only limits one of the simplest ways to feel happier and healthier.

So, the next time you think about wellness, whether it’s a morning run, a smoothie, or a mindfulness session, remember that pleasure has a role too. A healthy sex life can boost your energy, improve your mood, and leave you feeling more balanced, body and mind.

 

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Sex & Relashionships

Can Your Partner’s Scent Actually Reduce Anxiety?

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Ever noticed how just catching a whiff of your partner can make a stressful day feel a little lighter? That comforting smell isn’t just in your head; science suggests it can have real calming effects.

Research indicates that familiar scents, like your partner’s perfume, cologne, or natural body odor, may trigger the release of oxytocin, a hormone linked to bonding and relaxation. Simply hugging your partner, snuggling, or keeping a worn T-shirt nearby can help you feel calmer after a tense day.

Our brains are wired to connect smells with memories and emotions. The olfactory system interacts closely with areas of the brain that regulate fear and anxiety, such as the amygdala. That’s why a partner’s scent can give an almost instant sense of comfort and safety.

For couples in long-distance relationships, these effects can be especially valuable. Swapping clothing items or using shared-scented products can create a sense of closeness even when physical hugs aren’t possible. In daily life, this subtle connection can strengthen emotional bonds while easing stress.

Of course, the effect isn’t the same for everyone. Personal preferences, past experiences, and even genetics can influence how soothing a partner’s scent feels. But for many people, a familiar fragrance is a simple, quietly powerful way to feel more relaxed and connected.

 

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