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Signs You Have Abandonment Issue and How to Heal

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Emotional pain doesn’t always show on the surface. For many, the hardest blow is being left behind, whether by a parent, a partner, or someone they trusted. That kind of loss can linger quietly into adulthood. You might cling too tightly in relationships, fear rejection before it even happens, or struggle to believe people will stay. These patterns often point to what psychologists call abandonment issues.

Recognising them is the first step to healing. Here are common signs and ways to start moving forward.

Trust Feels Difficult

If every new relationship feels like a test, abandonment fears may be at play. Expecting people to leave makes it hard to feel secure and even harder to maintain healthy connections.

Pulling Away Before You Get Hurt

Some protect themselves by leaving before they can be left. It feels safer to pull back, but this defence often creates the very loneliness it tries to prevent.

Needing Constant Reassurance

Everyone wants comfort sometimes, but constantly seeking proof of love or loyalty can become draining. That need can slowly wear down friendships and romantic partnerships.

Trouble Setting Boundaries

Fears of being abandoned can push people into over-giving, tolerating too much, or staying in unhealthy situations just to avoid being alone. Over time, this erodes self-worth.

Overreacting to Distance

When someone misses a call, travels, or becomes busy, it can feel like rejection. Small absences may trigger intense reactions, even when no harm was intended.

Steps Toward Healing

Admitting the wound is not weakness; it is proof you are ready to grow. Healing is less about erasing the past and more about learning to live without fear controlling your relationships.

Learn to Self-Soothe

Rather than relying on others to calm your anxiety, practise grounding techniques: deep breathing, journaling, prayer, or meditation. These habits build resilience.

Talk About It

Keeping it to yourself often strengthens the fear. Therapy, counselling, or honest conversations with a trusted friend can help you trace the roots of your feelings.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Balanced relationships require mutual respect. Learning to say no, honour your needs, and avoid overextending yourself helps you feel secure without clinging.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

When your mind whispers “they’ll leave,” pause and ask: Is this fear or fact? Reframing your thoughts gradually weakens the cycle of anxiety.

Be Patient With Yourself

Healing is not linear. Some days will feel easier than others, but every step counts. Awareness alone is already progress.

Abandonment issues do not have to define your life. By recognising the signs and taking steady steps to heal, you can build relationships rooted in trust rather than fear. Most importantly, you can begin to see yourself as enough, regardless of who stays or goes.

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Sex & Relashionships

What is Monogamism in Relationship?

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Monogamism is the belief that people should practice monogamy not just the act of being with one partner, but the ideology that it is the ideal, proper, or preferred relationship structure. It sits at the intersection of culture, religion, personal values, and social expectation.

Unlike simple monogamy (the practice), monogamism is the viewpoint that monogamy is the correct model for romantic life. It is a framework shaped by upbringing, tradition, and personal boundaries.

Why People Choose It

Several factors influence why people embrace monogamism:
Cultural grounding: Many communities in Nigeria, though diverse, teach commitment to one partner as part of adulthood and responsibility.

Religious influence: Christianity and Islam have a strong presence across the country, and both introduce ideas around exclusivity, fidelity, and partnership.

Emotional structure: Some individuals feel more secure when their romantic life is centred on one person, with clear expectations and stability.

This isn’t about superiority. It’s about understanding how people align their relationships with their values.

How Modern Dating Has Complicated the Conversation

While monogamism remains common, the dating landscape in Nigeria is changing quickly. Social media, career-driven lifestyles, delayed marriage, and exposure to global relationship conversations have created a wider range of choices. These shifts challenge unspoken rules that once went unquestioned.
People now explore:

° Situationships

° Exclusive dating without long-term certainty

° Open relationships within specific circles

° Marriage-focused courtship

° Traditional monogamy

This makes monogamism more of an intentional choice than something inherited without question.

The Pressures Around Monogamism

Being monogamous is one thing; being expected to be monogamous is another. In Nigerian society, those pressures show up through:

° Family expectations

° Religious community standard

° Gendered assumptions about loyall

° Fear of judgement

° Fear of being labelled

° Concern about respectability

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Sex & Relashionships

Why Sex Belongs in Your Wellness Routine

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When Nigerians talk about wellness, the conversation usually revolves aroun‎d eating right, hitting the gym, or meditating at sunrise. But there’s one part of health that rarely gets attention, even in casual conversations: sex. It’s more than pleasure; it’s a natural way to boost your mood, sharpen your body, and ease stress.

Sex works like a workout, raising your heart rate, engaging muscles, and improving circulation. It may not replace a full gym session, but it counts as physical activity. Regular intimacy has been linked to better sleep, stronger immunity, and even lower blood pressure, all without leaving your bedroom.

The mental benefits are just as powerful. Intimacy releases hormones like oxytocin and endorphins, the same chemicals that give you a rush after Sunday football or a lively dance session at a Lagos party. These natural boosts can help fight stress, ease anxiety, and improve your focus on work or studies.

Sex also helps you stay in tune with your body. It’s not about checking boxes or meeting expectations. Whether it’s the closeness with a partner or simply exploring your own body, intimacy can build confidence and remind you that wellness is about feeling alive, not just looking healthy.

For couples, regular intimacy strengthens bonds and keeps relationships resilient through everyday pressures. For singles, understanding your own needs can be just as empowering. Approaching sex intentionally, safely, and consensually makes it a way to care for yourself, rather than a chore.

In Nigeria, talking openly about sexual health can still be tricky. But including intimacy as part of your wellness routine is essential. Ignoring it doesn’t make it less important; it only limits one of the simplest ways to feel happier and healthier.

So, the next time you think about wellness, whether it’s a morning run, a smoothie, or a mindfulness session, remember that pleasure has a role too. A healthy sex life can boost your energy, improve your mood, and leave you feeling more balanced, body and mind.

 

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Sex & Relashionships

Can Your Partner’s Scent Actually Reduce Anxiety?

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Ever noticed how just catching a whiff of your partner can make a stressful day feel a little lighter? That comforting smell isn’t just in your head; science suggests it can have real calming effects.

Research indicates that familiar scents, like your partner’s perfume, cologne, or natural body odor, may trigger the release of oxytocin, a hormone linked to bonding and relaxation. Simply hugging your partner, snuggling, or keeping a worn T-shirt nearby can help you feel calmer after a tense day.

Our brains are wired to connect smells with memories and emotions. The olfactory system interacts closely with areas of the brain that regulate fear and anxiety, such as the amygdala. That’s why a partner’s scent can give an almost instant sense of comfort and safety.

For couples in long-distance relationships, these effects can be especially valuable. Swapping clothing items or using shared-scented products can create a sense of closeness even when physical hugs aren’t possible. In daily life, this subtle connection can strengthen emotional bonds while easing stress.

Of course, the effect isn’t the same for everyone. Personal preferences, past experiences, and even genetics can influence how soothing a partner’s scent feels. But for many people, a familiar fragrance is a simple, quietly powerful way to feel more relaxed and connected.

 

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