Sex & Relashionships

The art of small talk First Date Conversation Starter

Published

9 months ago

8 April 2025

Let’s be honest , first dates in Nigeria can be both sweet and somehow awkward. You’re sitting across from someone you’re just getting to know, trying to keep the vibe flowing without it feeling like a job interview.

One wrong move, and the whole date can feel like a Nollywood drama.

But don’t worry. The key to breaking the ice is simple: small talk. The kind that feels natural, not forced. Not too deep, not too dry. Just easy, relatable, and warm like a chilled bottle of malt on a hot Lagos afternoon.

Here’s how to make small talk feel good and real on your first date:

1. Start With What’s Around You

Look around. The location, the music, the food, all of these can help kick off the conversation.

Example:

“This jollof is fire o, but not as good as my mum’s own sha.”

“I like the vibe of this place ,very calm. Have you been here before?”

It’s easy and gives you both something to laugh or talk about right away.

2. Ask About Daily Life

You don’t need deep questions yet. Ask about everyday stuff in a fun way.

Try:

“So how do you survive Lagos traffic without losing your mind?”

“Are you team amala or team rice every day?”

These are the types of questions that get people smiling.

3. Talk About Hustle, But Not Too Much

Work is important, but don’t make it the whole gist. Mix it up with passion and fun.

“What do you do for work?”

“If you didn’t have to hustle for money, what would you be doing instead?”

This gives insight without sounding too serious or calculated.

4. Be Real About Yourself Too

Don’t just ask, share! That’s how people connect.

Example:

“Honestly, I almost cancelled today because my barber gave me the worst haircut. But I said, no wahala, let me show up like that.”

Let them see the human side of you not just the “trying to impress” version.

5. Use Humor

Crack light jokes. Naija humor is rich and relatable.

Example:

“Have you ever had a tailor tell you ‘it’s almost ready’, and three weeks later, you’re still waiting?”

Everybody can relate to that one. The point is to say something your date can relate to

6. Talk About Home, Friends, & Small Memories

We love stories in Nigeria. So share a little.

Ask or say:

“What’s the funniest thing that ever happened to you in secondary school?”

“My grandma once told me if I whistle at night, spirits will slap me. I believed her for years!”

These small stories can spark big laughs and deep connection.

7. End With Sweet Words

As the date winds down, say something kind.

Example:

“I really enjoyed this. You’re easy to talk to, I didn’t expect it to go this well.”

No need for shakara. If you had a nice time, say so.

Final Thoughts

Small talk isn’t small when it builds real connection. It’s not about being perfect it’s about being present, being yourself, and letting things flow.

So next time you go on a first date, don’t carry tension. Just show up, talk small, laugh loud, and enjoy the ride.

Who knows? That one conversation might just lead to something beautiful.

Photo Credit - Google

In today’s dating culture, conversations about the future often start early. Someone talks about marriage within weeks, mentions introducing you to their family, or casually includes you in plans that stretch years ahead. On the surface, it can feel reassuring. In reality, this pattern has a name, and it rarely leads where it claims to be going.

Future faking describes a situation where one partner speaks confidently about long-term plans without taking any steps to make those plans real. The promises sound specific enough to feel sincere, yet nothing in the present changes. There is no progress, no clarity, and no movement beyond conversation. Over time, the future becomes a holding space rather than a destination.

Photo Credit – Google

What makes future faking difficult to identify is that it often looks like commitment. The language is intentional. The confidence is convincing. But commitment shows up in behaviour, not projections. Someone who genuinely plans a future begins to align their choices with it. They create timelines, address obstacles, and make decisions that affect both people, not just the person being reassured.

In many dating situations, especially where expectations around marriage and stability are culturally significant, future faking can subtly extend relationships that are no longer growing. One partner remains emotionally invested, waiting for clear next steps that are repeatedly postponed. The other maintains closeness without accountability, often shifting the goalposts when questions become more direct.

Photo Credit – Google

This behaviour does not always come from malice. Some people enjoy the comfort of emotional security without the responsibility that commitment requires. Others are unsure of what they want but use future plans to avoid difficult conversations in the present. Regardless of intent, the effect is the same. Time passes, expectations deepen, and clarity never arrives.

A consistent sign of future faking is vagueness. Plans are described without dates. Decisions are delayed indefinitely. Conversations about progress are met with reassurance instead of action. When pressed, the future remains flexible, conditional, or dependent on circumstances that never seem to resolve.

Photo Credit – Google

Recognising future faking is not about distrusting optimism or shutting down conversations about what lies ahead. It is about paying attention to alignment. When words repeatedly outpace actions, the imbalance becomes information. Dating is not sustained by promises alone. It is sustained by evidence of shared direction.

In the end, the most reliable indicator of intent is not how vividly someone describes the future, but how seriously they engage with the present. Where effort is consistent, plans tend to follow. Where effort stalls, promises often replace progress.

Sex & Relashionships

Dating App Worth Swiping Right on in 2026

Published

4 days ago

5 January 2026

Ogbu John

Online dating looks different in 2026. Swiping is no longer a pastime. For many, it has become a deliberate way to meet people who fit into real life. Whether the goal is romance, companionship, or something in between, expectations are clearer than they used to be.

Here is a look at the dating apps proving useful this year, based on how people are engaging with them in real life.

Tinder: Where Everyone Seems to Be

Photo Credit – Google

Tinder continues to dominate because of its sheer user base. In major cities, it is almost impossible not to find someone nearby.

The challenge lies in filtering profiles. While some users are serious about dating, others are only interested in casual chats or brief connections. Making Tinder work depends on being honest in your profile and clear in your conversations from the start.

Bumble: Women Call the Shots

Photo Credit – Google

Bumble stands out because it puts women in control of conversations. After a match is made, only women can initiate contact, which helps reduce unwanted messages.

The app goes beyond dating. It also allows users to build friendships or make professional connections. This flexibility makes it appealing to people juggling busy work and social schedules.

Badoo: Casual or Serious? You Decide

Photo Credit – Google

Badoo offers flexibility. Features such as “people nearby” and video chats make it easy to meet new people without much pressure.

The user base is mixed. Some are looking for meaningful relationships, while others prefer light conversations. Being selective and engaging thoughtfully improves the experience.

Apps Built with Local Culture in Mind

Photo Credit – Google

Alongside global platforms, locally focused apps are gaining attention. These services are designed with cultural context and communication habits in mind, making them easier to navigate and more practical for everyday use.

Location-based matching, profile verification, and fewer paywalls increase the chances of real-life meetings rather than endless online chatting.

A Quick Reality Check

Photo Credit – Google

No dating app is perfect. Fake profiles, unclear intentions, and ghosting still happen. What makes the difference is how the platform is used:

Be honest in your profile

Decide early whether you want friendship, casual dating, or a long-term relationship

Communicate clearly and respectfully

People who follow these basics tend to have better experiences, regardless of the app they choose.

Which App Should You Try?

Photo Credit – Google

Tinder: Best for a large pool of potential matches

Bumble: Ideal if you prefer women to initiate conversations

Badoo: Works for those open to both casual chats and serious connections

Local apps: Useful for features shaped around cultural familiarity and practical use

In 2026, dating apps are tools, not solutions on their own. The right choice depends on your goals, lifestyle, and level of intention. With patience and clarity, these platforms can still lead to meaningful connections. In a year where time feels increasingly limited, the right dating app is the one that respects it.

Sex & Relashionships

Ghostlighting: The Relationship Red Flag People Are Only Just Naming

Published

1 month ago

5 December 2025

Ogbu John

You’ve probably heard of ghosting and gaslighting. But there’s a newer, subtler danger lurking in modern relationships: ghostlighting. It’s sneaky, confusing, and, until recently, had no name.

Ghostlighting happens when someone disappears, with texts unanswered and calls ignored, and then, when they finally respond, they dismiss your feelings. Suddenly, you’re the “overthinking” one, questioning your own reaction. Unlike ghosting, which is abrupt and final, ghostlighting keeps you hanging in uncertainty. And unlike gaslighting, it doesn’t rely on lies; it works through inconsistency and minimization, leaving you second-guessing yourself.

Photo – Google

This isn’t just a dating quirk. Over time, ghostlighting can erode confidence, damage self-esteem, and make it hard to trust your instincts. It thrives in early relationships, but it can show up anywhere, even in long-term partnerships or friendships.

Photo – Google

How do you spot it? Watch for repeated patterns: disappearing for days or weeks, giving excuses that don’t match the behavior, dismissing your emotions, or making you feel “too sensitive.” If this sounds familiar, take it seriously. Healthy relationships are consistent, communicate openly, and respect boundaries. Ghostlighting is none of these.

Photo – Google

Naming ghostlighting isn’t about shaming anyone; it’s about recognizing harmful behavior. Once you see it for what it is, you can protect yourself, set limits, and trust your feelings again.

Relationships are complicated, but knowing the warning signs makes navigating them easier. Ghostlighting may be subtle, but understanding it is a step toward healthier connections and toward respecting yourself enough not to settle for anything less.